


who have dared to wrong me first

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Alias Grace (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Feminist Themes, Ficlet, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: Everyone but Grace cares about whether she is guilty.





	who have dared to wrong me first

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from the Luschnig translation of Euripides' _Medea_.

She tells Dr. Jordan that it would be a relief for her to know what happened when Nancy and Mr. Kinnear were killed, but it’s a lie.

It’s not that she’s scared to know the role she played in those events, not at all. It’s that it doesn’t make a difference to her, what she did.

Whether she helped James kill them, whether she simply stood by and didn’t get in his way, whether she put the idea in his head, whether she was the one who knotted that pretty white and blue handkerchief around Nancy’s neck – what does it matter?

So much effort has been expended in trying to determine what she did or did not do, but Grace cannot see the point of it.

Mary died because of a man’s appetite, and he was never punished for it. Grace has nearly ended up the same way many times over, and she knows it is only luck that has saved her so far, and that luck cannot be counted on.

Her father, George Parkinson, the man on the carriage, Jamie Walsh, Jeremiah, Mr. Kinnear, James McDermott, the men in the asylum, Dr. Jordan – all of them had that appetite. Would any of them have lost sleep over sending her to the same fate?

(Sometimes Grace wonders what it would be like to know a man who didn’t want to sleep with her. She doubts she’ll ever find out.)

No one has ever apologized for the things that have happened or have almost happened to her. No one has ever done anything to stop more from happening in the future. No one but Mary has even acted like what happened to her was wrong, and look where it got her.

(Dr. Jordan’s controlled indignation over her treatment in the asylum doesn’t count. He was concerned about her supposed purity, not her autonomy.) 

No one cared what violence was committed towards Grace. So Grace doesn’t care about what violence she may have committed.

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt to get inside Grace's head. Still not sure if I was successful - I love complicated and ambiguous female characters, but they're hard to write.


End file.
